A pocket full of shells

When I was younger, I would cry my heart out every time my mother brought me to Sunday school. They didn’t know why, but I was just afraid to be friends with others…I was afraid to be called a freak coz I was physically different from children my age. To some people, I was their Frankenstein…or Hulk…or all the unpleasant, ugly names they had at that time. I guess my mum knew what I was going through but I was always in my own world for her to console or for me to let in to her…my childhood was a sad one…I was always bitter, I was always hurt by strangers…but worst, by those whom I love.

I always wonder to god, why did he bring me to earth? Why did he let a beautiful creation of his, grow up to be some1 no one wants to see.…

“Did he bring me here as a joke for everyone to laugh at”, I would always ask myself…

And those were some of the questions in life I couldn’t understand… (I can’t remember asking anyone, maybe I did but my mind’s like the sieve u know.) But now I realize that the world doesn’t want us to know that things don’t always go the way God wanted it to be...and the world, being itself, is being true to himself, and to us, is putting heavenly thoughts about living permanently here...coz that’s what the world wants us to believe. The world wants us to be madly in love with him!

Every time I’m feeling down in the mouth, I always have to remind myself this: when God brought us here, he never promised that we’d live a blissful and troubles life on earth.

Now I know…and I’ll always perceive God as a potter, and I’m one of his creations. And as his workmanship, there are bound to be ones that are uncompleted…which still need polishing up and modifications…so what’s there for me or us to do? We wait patiently for him to work on us…as he’s been so patient with us…

Readers, I think by now you would have a slight feeling that I’m in my depressed mode…BlllllluuurrrrGhHHhhHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..

Isn't she pretty? I admire her beauty..I envy her..!

p/s: I may sound or look depressed, but dont let that fool you into thinking that i'm a sourpuss...coz i'm NOT!

I'm SO OVER Nich Khun...but I'm HEAD OVER HEELS on someone else..someone reachable...but still unreachable for the time being..heheheheh.. *pLoOoOpS*...*PlOoOpS*..*pLoOoPs*...see the flowers popping out of me...?*sigh*...

Weee...wee....Weeeeee...

How many friends do you have? Did it ever cross your mind that they don’t regard you the way you regard them as your friends? I miss my friends…i need more...*KEDEBUK...*I fell and it hit me hard..i dont have many friends to brag about...

i feel cheated...i hate that feeling..iv asked her to leave, but she wouldnt...go awayyyyyyy...u make me feel sickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk...so awayyyyy...i feel like being a bitch for a moment..

I'm angry!!! I'm furious!!! Stay away from me for I will rip your head off if u ever go near me!!!When am i getting my new pay?!?!?!!?!!?!?!?! This is so unfair!!! We're all being cheated!!I dont believe that u're so darn affected by this world economy crisis!!!Darn!!!! The richer gets richer everyday and the poor rots to death every single minute!

Jacqueline...!Fedrick...! Where are you?!

I was extremely exhausted last thursday as i had to rush to LCCT for a "rescue mission" straight away from work. I was speeding on the road; I didin't want to drive on the deserted-but-quite- brightly- lited elite highway alone for a time longer than an hour so i reached home nearly nine. Phew.. I was quite exasperated actually, but i took pity on him because he's got no one else but me here! thankfully, everything could be setteld..phew again.. i was home earlier than gundu...and reluctantly i took heavy steps into the house..not long after that, i was welcomed by the friendly meow and purrrr that always greeted gundu and i everytime we come back home..it was Jacqueline...the cat we've been feeding for a month since January. as she excitedly welcomed me home, she rubbed her soft silky fur against my legs which left like satin going through my skin. Really! She's got fur that soft! i think she must belong to someone...according to nana, a manja cat must have an ower...that's why they're very tame (just like jacq).but why did she suddenly appear at our doorstep a month ago?

Anyway, i heated up their food (Owh, a few minutes later, Fedrick joined her), laid the newspaper on the tiled floor to set up their "dinning hall" and served their dinner. Happily, they nibbled their food, while i lay on the couch, watching the tv. Jacqueline as usual was always the first between the 2 of them to finish their food (she usually doesnt finish her food; it is Fedrick who wallops the 2 platters of seafood). So i saw her going out of the house after that but not long after that she went in again, looking very suspicious and up to something major. Her eyes were glued to their "dinning hall"; the senario was like a tiger preying for its victim in the jungle. i didint want to pay that much attention to Jacq coz she's very mischevious and is always up to something. so i let her be. but then suddenly i heard plates clattering. i jumped out of the couch, and i saw something greyish wrigglying, trying to escape from Jacq's mouth. Oh My! she caught a rat! a baby rat i think...coz it was furless. i was excited! i ran to her to get a closer look but she ran out of the house. i guess she didin't want us to steal her dessert or supper. it was less than a minute later she went in the house without the rat (she must have hidden the dead rat somewhere) and then she left again. After that, i didin't know what happened coz i dozed off on the mattress and the next morning i found myself on the bed. As usual every morning i would open the door to greet them...but on that friday morning, it was Fedrick alone who was waiting outside our door. it was normal i thought, to have Jacq not come that morning. So i waited till evening, after work. but again, there was no sign of her...only Fedrick..Strange..usually she would wait for us at the porch...but not last friday, nor saturday or sunday...and till today... Gundu and i really miss her...her presence makes a differnce in our home...When Jacquline starts to go missing, Fedrick hardly comes home to have his meal...i find that strange...why is it that he stops coming to our house for meals when Jacqueline is no longer around? JACQULINE!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!!??!?!? To whom who knows her whereabouts...please pray that she'll be safe..She's a really special gendut cat..i think fedrick misses her too...he didin't eat well the first few days she was gone...I wish i have a picture of Jacq to show u...but ive it in my hp and i ran out of credit...HU!HU!

I'm in love....................waaahaaa..

Over the weekend, i spent my days watching Nich Khun sing and dance. Yes... i watched 2PM's music video repeativively...and continuously. It started off with watching Wonder girls's researhal dance with 2PM...and then from there i have this major crush on Nich Khun. I really envy SoHee, because Nich Khun was her dance partner. I have a crush on him because of how he danced with SoHee. dont ask me how but as i watch them dance i was slowly falling in love with him...*Sigh*...I miss the feeling that i'm feeling now..hehe...He has all the characteristics that i used to look for in my dream guy;...Tall...lanky...skinny but not too thin with the typical hip hopper's body posture...hehe..and of course...Nich Khun smiles with his eyes...YESSSSSSSSSS...I'm madly having a crush on him....WaWaWaWaWAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaa...let me introduce Nich Khun to you okay?? :

This is Nich Khun...*SigH...* It's so heart melting just to see his picture..Notice his eyes? No? His eyes are less chinky compared to the rest of the 2PM group members...u must be thinking..."He looks so babyish". I DONT CARE. Nevertheless, he looks a lil bit different as his hair's quite long right now, i think. but still, i just love those eyes of his... :))). Here's another pic of him with long hair:

That's him, drinking his water...He may not make ppl drool over him but i'm glad his not as beefy as some guys...kinda scarey ya know..Owh!I'M in love with Nich Khun!...and gundu is saying "do your assignment..do your assignment" in the background..ayooo..potong stim la..